


Human Arousal Increaser

by merryghoul



Category: Torchwood
Genre: Community: angst_bingo, Community: au_bingo, Crack, Dubious Consent, F/F, Fuck Or Die, Gen, Pon Farr, Resurrection, Sex Pollen, TV Tropes, Tropes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-01-28
Updated: 2012-01-28
Packaged: 2017-10-30 05:41:39
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 794
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/328355
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/merryghoul/pseuds/merryghoul
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Tosh must have sex with Suzie or she will die.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Human Arousal Increaser

**Author's Note:**

> au_bingo: underwater  
> angst_bingo: forced to participate
> 
> and the tropes:  
> sex pollen  
> rumours of team member's death greatly exaggerated  
> Pon Farr  
> fuck or die  
> Go to TVtropes. Hit 'random'. [A Magic Contract Comes with a Kiss]
> 
> Some spoilers for the Torchwood novel Long Time Dead.

Ianto was at the tourist station above the Hub. He was watching a video on his computer and leaning back in his chair. He didn't have to clean or do other maintenance tasks in the Hub. He smiled. "Easiest day I've had in a while," he said.

Tosh walked in the tourist station with two pizzas from Jubliee's. She put the pizzas on the counter, pulled out a gun and cocked it in front of Ianto's face.

"Take me to the Vault. I need to revive Suzie."

"Well, this isn't the first time a woman's cocked a gun to my face."

* * *

Suzie was thawing out on Owen's medical slab. Tosh was firing a sonic blaster from the Archives onto Suzie's arm. Ianto was behind her, holding still.

Owen ran down to the medical bay once he saw what was going on.

"Tosh, what are you doing?"

Owen attempted to take the blaster out of Tosh's hands. Ianto restrained him.

"Sorry, Owen, but we can't stop Tosh. She has to revive Suzie or she'll die."

"That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard you say, Ianto."

"I beg to differ."

Tosh turned off the blaster. "He's right, Owen. I need to revive Suzie or I'll die."

"Why? So she can come back from the dead and sap the life out of Gwen again?"

"No. Suzie found this alien device she thought would increase the strength of the resurrection gauntlet. She had this surgeon come after Hub hours to sew it under her skin."

"Okay," Owen said. "What does that device have to do with you?"

"I saw the surgeon sewing the device under her skin and she forced me to watch. Then she went into the archives and pulled out this alien device. She said she found it shortly before I was recruited to Torchwood. There was some sort of war between humans and Sea Devils years ago."

"Sea Devils? Is that a rugby team in Liverpool or something?"

"This isn't the time to be funny, Owen."

Ianto covered Owen's mouth. "Continue."

"Sea Devils. They're the cousins of Silurians, but they live underwater. The humans were forced to go underwater to fight the Sea Devils on their own territories. The Sea Devils were attempting to take the humans' seaside homes. The Sea Devils forced the humans to retreat by shooting at them with what Suzie called a HAI--a human arousal increaser." 

"I'd like to breathe again someday, Ianto," Owen said through Ianto's hand.

Ianto increased his grip on Owen's mouth.

"In layman's terms, the Sea Devils shot a device that embedded into the humans' skins. When they emerged from the sea, they discovered they needed to copulate or they would die. If I'm not mistaken, there was a huge population increase the years after those humans tried to fight the Sea Devils."

Owen flung Ianto's mouth off of his hand. "Okay, so Suzie sewed this Sea Devil device under your skin."

"And killed the surgeon who sewed us both up afterward."

Owen sighed. "That's our Suzie. Anyway, why do you have to have sex with her? Everyone knows I'd be willing to shag you if it could save your life."

"We had a verbal contract. When the HAI was triggered, Suzie would be the only person who could have sex with me, even if she died. We even sealed it with a kiss."

Owen kicked the air. 

"But I thought Jack shot Suzie to death over and over until you destroyed her resurrection gauntlet. There's no way Suzie could heal from all those gunshot wounds in the Vault…is there?"

"Sorry, Ianto, but Suzie was also working on a way to heal from her wounds before she died. And she made sure she was going to heal from those wounds, even if she were dead."

"Like Wolverine!"

"I was thinking _Jack,_ Owen, but Wolverine's a good guess."

Suzie gasped on the slab. She felt under her chin--the self-inflicted wound was still not there, having somehow disappeared after her second death. She rubbed her abdomen. Her skin felt as if no bullets had penetrated it. Ianto and Owen backed away from the slab.

"Calm down. I'm only here to fuck Tosh and then I'll be dead until something revives me again. Your precious Gwen Cooper is safe unless I sew a HAI inside her."

Tosh kissed Suzie and climbed on the slab. The two started making out.

Ianto grabbed Owen's hand. "Time to go upstairs, Owen."

Owen stared at the two women making out on the slab. "Not right now, Ianto. Maybe Suzie and Tosh could use my services."

"You can help yourself upstairs and view them on the monitor." 

Ianto took Owen up the stairs. The Hub went into lockdown. 

"Or not." Ianto shrugged.


End file.
